Shared Sorrows
by Just Jill
Summary: When Jahzea returns to the Jedi Temple without her Master a year after they left, she is befriended by a young Padawan. This friendship lasts until the end of her life.
1. The First Sorrow

**Disclaimer:** Jahzea, Manighan, and Delios are mine. The rest are Mr. Lucas' except for Bant, Bruck and the bounty hunter, who belong to Jude Watson.

**Authors Note:** It started with an idea of another Padawan who lost her master, and escalated from there. I'm not entirely sure when Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon stuck their noses in, but it was long before I wrote this down. It's not as complete as it could be, but it works for now. This is my first Star Wars fan fiction; my first fic was aproximately nineteen years ago.

Shared Sorrows

The First Sorrow: 

The pilot had never liked this planet. The people were subtly hostile to outsiders, but they relied on his shipments for now, simply because they didn't have the resources to do otherwise. He was well aware of how much they tolerated; he was barely tolerated, and he'd had better experiences dealing with the Hutts. Still, they paid well, and he just kept his contact with them to a minimum.

This trip his stay was longer than usual, thanks to the pirates he'd barely escaped. There was damage to his ship, and he had asked for some time to repair it. The reply had been surly but in the affirmative, and he'd spent the last five hours putting his ship back together. When he finished, one of the more friendly beings suggested that he eat before he leave, and he decided it would be a good idea. On his way out of the hangar, someone grabbed his arm.

The human girl was far too thin, her hair ragged about her face. Her clothes were in tatters, and so dirty that it was impossible to tell what their original color and shape might have been. "Please," she said softly, her dark eyes fixed on his. "Please. I need to get to Coruscant." Her voice was scratchy, either with disuse or over use, he couldn't tell. There was desperation and an overwhelming sorrow in her eyes.

"Can you pay?"

Her eyes fell, and the despair that became clear jerked at his heart. "No… No, I can't," she said. "I am... I am Padawan. Jedi."

It was then that he noticed the light saber hanging from her belt, and a second gripped in her left hand. A braid hung over her shoulder, thin, wrapped in threads that might have once been the proud marks of a Padawan's learning. "Please," she whispered.

He would not want to be trapped on that planet either, even if he had been a Jedi. Besides, if he didn't take her, he'd have two people haunting him, and Mera was enough. He'd have to go back to her soon. "I'll be leaving as soon as I get something to eat," he told her. "You look like you could eat. Would you like to come?"

"No. No, thank you," she said. "May I board?" There was hope in her face.

"Of course." He opened his ship to let her on, and locked it behind her.

When he returned, he found her huddled in a corner of the hold, the light saber gripped tightly by both hands to her heart. He could not get her to wake up to eat what he'd brought, so he carried her to one of the seats, strapped her in, and got ready to take off.

He contacted the proper authorities, explaining his passenger as well as he could, and suddenly found himself talking to a calm man who identified himself as Mace Windu, and would he kindly explain again? The pilot was unable to make himself any clearer, but he was directed to a private landing pad. When he landed, he was greeted by a small contingent of Jedi, one of whom paid the girl's passage before vanishing after the girl and the beings who carried her so gingerly. He decided it was time he saw Mera, and went back on board to set the coordinates for home.

  


"Do we know her?" Mace asked the attending physician quietly.

"She is Jahzea Mahl," the tall being said just as softly, turning to look at the girl in the bed. "She is Padawan to Delios Ohn."

Mace lifted his eyebrows. "Do we have news of Delios?" he asked.

"Not from Jahzea," the Healer said. "She is unconscious and responds to little. She reacted quite violently when we attempted to remove the light saber from her grip. She responded more positively when Master Yoda was here."

Mace nodded solemnly. "I will speak with him."

He left the infirmary, pacing quickly to where he thought Yoda would be. He noticed only peripherally the arrival of Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan, making a mental note to speak to them of their mission when this latest puzzle was solved.

Yoda was waiting for him, standing in one of the gardens of the temple. "A question you have."

"The injured Padawan responded to you?"

"Yes."

"How?"

Yoda blinked slowly. "Convinced she was, a dream I was," he said gravely.

Mace nodded. "She knows you too well," he said quietly.

Yoda looked at him almost sharply. "What mean you?"

Mace sank down next to the small, green being who was many times older than himself. He collected his thoughts, thinking the idea through. "You are one of the most well known beings here in the temple. It would not be unusual for a Jedi in a delirium to hear you speaking to them."

Yoda nodded sagely, but did not answer. Mace went on. "If she believed you were a dream, it's possible that I would also be construed as a dream. It would be wise to find someone she knows, but perhaps not that well, to help her return to us."

Yoda blinked at him almost sleepily. "Someone in mind, have you?"

Mace shook his head. "Not a specific someone," he said. "Someone near her age, who is either in the Temple or would be able to return quickly."

Yoda nodded and closed his eyes. Mace felt him sink into a trance. He followed quickly, not entirely sure what Yoda was doing, and wanting to learn from this being who had once trained him. He found himself following Yoda in investigating the different Knights and Padawan who were in the temple.

"Obi-Wan only a few years younger is. Know him she did. Friends they were not." Yoda's voice was clear.

"Enemies?" Mace asked, slowly returning to consciousness.

"No," Yoda said.

There was another long silence before Yoda looked at Mace with something that might have been fondness. "Obi-Wan is our best choice, then?" Mace asked.

"Speak with his Master, you must," Yoda said.

Mace smiled. "Of course. Excuse me." He inclined his head, then got to his feet and left the garden.

He found Qui-Gon Jinn in his quarters, alone. The Jedi master looked up, smiling to greet his friend. "Yes?"

"I would speak to you about your Padawan," Mace said, and was almost amused at the wary look that flashed across the other man's face.

"Sit down." His voice was neutral.

"Delios Ohn's Padawan returned without her. They have been missing for almost a year. The girl is unconscious and does not respond to the Healers or to Yoda."

Qui-Gon straightened. "You believe Obi-Wan can help?"

"We hope so," Mace acknowledged.

Qui-Gon stood. "We will meet you in the infirmary." He followed Mace out the door, where the two men went in different directions.

  


Obi-Wan sat with his friends in the cafeteria, glad to be back and just as glad that they were there. The four of them were trading stories of their missions, relaxing in the calm of the temple and enjoying being together again. He was explaining quietly about the bounty hunter he and Qui-Gon had run across when he stopped mid-sentence, then stammered an excuse and started for the door. He knew it must have been weird for them, although they had surely had that kind of experience too, but the urgency he was feeling from Qui-Gon did not allow time for him to explain. His Master appeared at the door just before he reached it.

"The council have requested your help," Qui-Gon told him as they strode through the halls of the temple.

Obi-Wan couldn't hide his surprise. "Me?" he asked, and flushed as his voice cracked.

"A Padawan a few years older than you has returned, delirious, without her master. They believe you may be able to help her."

"But if Council can't help her..." He let the words hang in the air. Qui-Gon said nothing.

The rest of the walk was silent, and Obi-Wan tried to think of what he could possibly have to offer that the Council didn't. He hadn't come up with any ideas by the time they arrived at the infirmary.

Mace Windu waited for them inside the reception area. He had little more to say than Qui-Gon had. In spite of his doubt, Obi-Wan nodded. "I will do what I can," he said, and was shown into the room.

It took him a minute to recognize her. She was darker than he remembered and far too thin, almost gaunt. In her left hand she clutched a light saber; another sat on the table next to the bed. "Jahzea," he said. She groaned softly.

Glancing around, he found a chair and dragged it over so he could sit by her. Although Mace had explained why they'd chosen him, he wasn't sure he would be able to help. Well, like he'd told Master Windu, he'd do what he could. Sitting down in the chair, he leaned forward, touched his fingertips to her arm and called her name again. She didn't respond. Taking a deep breath, Obi-Wan dug into his memories, trying to find something they'd shared that he could talk to her about.

"Do you remember," he started slowly, "do you remember the first time you met Yoda?"

Not that he'd been there, however. She'd been brought to the temple before he'd even been born. But everyone he'd talked to had had the same experience as he had. He spoke about his own experience, asking her if she'd had the same. She didn't answer.

He continued to talk of teachers they'd had in common when a memory surfaced and caused him to smile. "You were helping when we first got to work with the training sabers," he said. "I was in such awe of you, did you know that? And it was your idea to work me against two opponents later because, you said, if one was so boring, I needed a challenge." He paused a little. "If I remember correctly, you beat me pretty badly. Not that I didn't deserve it," he added. "But you found me later, by the waterfall...." His voice trailed off, uncomfortable images of Bant caught at the bottom, Bruck falling to his death filling his mind, and he shook them off. "...by the waterfall," he continued, "and apologized."

He went on, searching through his memories, including one memorable fight with her master. He'd fallen silent for a moment when someone laid a hand on his shoulder. Looking up, his eyes focused unwillingly on his Master. "You need not harm yourself to bring her out of this, Padawan," Qui-Gon said gently. "You need to rest. Go back to your room, and I will bring you something to eat."

Obi-Wan nodded. Turning back to the bed, he touched her arm again. "Call me if you need me," he said gently, then got to his feet. His first step was more of a stagger, but he quickly caught his balance and followed his Master from the room. His exhaustion hit him when he'd nearly reached his room, and he put a hand to the wall to steady himself. Qui-Gon had gone to get him food, leaving him to return alone, and right now, Obi-Wan wished he hadn't. Taking a deep breath, focusing on what he was doing, Obi-Wan pushed away from the wall and continued on.

Qui-Gon met him in the hall, taking his arm as he staggered again. "You are worse than I thought," his master said gently, and guided him into his quarters. He ate automatically and fell into his bed, asleep before he touched the pillow.

  


Jahzea decided she was going crazy. She understood Yoda's appearance in this dream; he was a prominent figure at the Temple, and he had appeared often in her dreams the last year. The two shadowy presences that seemed always to be there had also mentioned Mace Windu, and that was not a surprise either. But this nameless, faceless - maybe not so faceless, she could almost see what he looked like - this Padawan, she didn't know where he came from. He was younger than she; obviously, from one of the two classes she'd assisted as part of her training, and that because she had been nearly hopeless with a light saber. That had improved with practice. He was just… someone she knew or who knew her, but barely. And surely, that had been his Master, cautioning him to rest. The Master's voice was unfamiliar as well.

It took her a while to realize that she wasn't insane. She'd finally made it back.

Her eyes were slow to open, requiring a great effort. The ceiling was familiar, shaded in soothing tones to help concentration and facilitate healing. Languidly, she turned her head to the door and met half-familiar blue eyes. The boy stopped as if struck, but then turned. "She's awake!" He stepped through the door and out of the way as two familiar presences entered.

She bore with their questions, none of them really intruding, most to determine how she felt. She answered quietly, wishing the boy hadn't left. Finally, they had all the answers they wanted, and left her alone.

"Hi."

Not so alone as all that, after all. The boy she'd seen earlier sat by her bed and smiled. "I'd ask how you felt, only I just heard what you told them."

Her eyes narrowed, focusing on his face. The voice was the same, so it was the same Padawan as yesterday. Or whenever. With a frustrated sigh, she sat up. He jumped to help her, steadying her with hands on her arms. "Are you supposed to be sitting up?"

"Obi-Wan?" she asked as his name leapt to mind, suddenly able to see the eight year old she'd known in the teen before her.

He nodded. "Are you okay?" His worry was palpable, as was his care, and almost against her will, tears filled her eyes.

"She's gone," Jahzea whispered.

Obi-Wan's eyes widened. "She... Your Master?"

Jahzea nodded, not even noticing the tears that streamed down her cheeks to drip off her chin. "They were so angry. We couldn't..."

"Sh," he said gently, and took her right hand.

"She... she hid me," she went on brokenly, wanting to get it all out. "I couldn't look away." A sob broke her composure, and she threw herself at him, burying her eyes in his shoulder. There was no hesitation in him; his arms closed around her and held her securely. She'd have to remember to thank him for that.

  


Qui-Gon looked in on his apprentice, watching as he gently laid the girl comfortably on the bed. Obi-Wan looked exhausted, leaning on the bed like an old man for a moment before straightening slowly. "She watched them kill her Master," he said in a dull voice, and turned. "She could do nothing." He stepped away from the bed, moving toward Qui-Gon with agonizing slowness. It worried the Jedi; his apprentice was full of life, and this change was frightening. "She hasn't had time to grieve."

Qui-Gon placed a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "She'll have time now."

"She's tired." He sounded exhausted.

"She's going to be," Qui-Gon said, and gently steered his Padawan out.

He could see what was coming. The Force showed him glimpses as he walked Obi-Wan back to their quarters. With a slight, regretful lowering of his head, he accepted it. Three missions at least, without his Padawan at his side. It was going to be hard. He relied on the boy more than he would have guessed.

Getting the council to understand was easier than he'd expected.

"Agree with you the council does," Yoda said when he'd explained that the assignment he'd been given, he'd be going on alone. "Stay here, Obi-Wan should." After a brief discussion of the mission he would be leaving on, he was dismissed.

Obi-Wan looked only faintly disappointed. "I had thought to ask you if I could stay," he admitted wearily.

Qui-Gon smiled gently, laying his hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Get some sleep," he said, and the teen didn't argue. That in itself was an indication of how exhausted he was.

Obi-Wan went with him to see him off. "You must tell me of her progress," Qui-Gon told him. "I would know how you are doing."

"Yes, Master." He was still tired, Qui-Gon could see, but he had hopes that it wouldn't be quite so strenuous from now on.

The mission went well, strangely enough, and that was rare. He got daily transmissions from his Padawan, and one included his news that Jahzea had finally released her Master's light saber. "The healers are not sure they'll be able to do anything to help her hand," Obi-Wan said. "She hasn't let it go since she recovered it off her Master's body. She's in therapy now, to try to recondition the muscles." He sighed. "She thinks it's a just repercussion of letting her Master die alone. I don't know how to help her, Master."

There was a pleading in his tone. "You are helping her," Qui-Gon told the hologram gently. "She will work it out." He looked at the hologram critically. Obi-Wan was looking tired, still, but definitely less worn out. He hoped that was a good sign.

He didn't return to the temple before his next assignment, or the third, and by the end of it, Obi-Wan looked almost normal. With a grateful sigh, he turned off the transmission and began to get ready to go home.

His transport was met by Obi-Wan, who looked calm enough to have waited for hours for him. He smiled, remembering the impatient young one he'd been, bouncing lightly on his toes when he had to wait for more than thirty seconds. "Welcome back, Master. I have one last report on Jahzea." He took Qui-Gon's bag and fell into step beside him. "Mace Windu has taken her as his Padawan to finish her training."

"Good," Qui-Gon said. "He needs a Padawan to remind him what it's like to have one." Yes, it was good to have Obi-Wan at his side again.


	2. The Second Sorrow

**Disclaimer:** Jahzea, Manighan, and Delios are mine. The rest are Mr. Lucas' except for Bant, Bruck and the bounty hunter, who belong to Jude Watson.

**Authors Note:** It started with an idea of another Padawan who lost her master, and escalated from there. I'm not entirely sure when Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon stuck their noses in, but it was long before I wrote this down. It's not as complete as it could be, but it works for now. This is my first Star Wars fan fiction; my first fic was aproximately nineteen years ago.

Shared Sorrows

The Second Sorrow: 

Jahzea stepped into the rooms assigned her and sighed. Behind her, the small Wookie girl did the same, and Jahzea smiled fondly at her Padawan. "That much negativity is going to really do bad things," she said vaguely.

"I know." Manighan played idly with her braid, then gave herself a firm shake. "But it's over for today. And you have a message."

Jahzea moved toward the console with the blinking red light. "Who is it, and is it good news or bad?"

Manighan closed her eyes and Jahzea paused before accepting the transmission, feeling her reach out for the Force. They had started it as a game, but Manighan's talent was real, and by now she was rarely wrong. Jahzea wondered if someday she'd be able to know what the message was without opening it. Such a talent could be useful. She was brought out of her thoughts by Manighan's gasp. "It's bad news, Master. From Yoda."

Jahzea slapped the combination of buttons that allowed the transmission to play, and Yoda's form appeared before her. "Bad news I have," he said. His long ears drooped sadly. "Come to Naboo you must. Dead, Qui-Gon is."

The rest of the transmission gave her details to relate to the people where she was. She heard it only peripherally, her thoughts on Qui-Gon's Padawan and her friend. When the transmission had ended, she took a deep breath. "Manighan, will you begin packing please? I must relay this bad news and arrange for transport."

It was done with bewildering swiftness, and that evening they found themselves on a transport to Naboo. After a day of feeling her Padawan's curiosity, Jahzea took pity on her and explained why she had been called to her friend's side.

Their landing in Theed was quiet, although Yoda met them. "How is he," Jahzea asked when their greetings were finished and they had started into the palace. There was sorrow everywhere, but she thought she could find Obi-Wan if she followed the sharp beacon of it. It pulled at her.

"Tired, he is. Sad, he is. Padawan, he has."

The surprise left her dumb. "Where is he?" she finally stammered out, and as soon as he told her, he excused her to find him. She took off at a run, Manighan at her heels.

The beacon she'd felt led her straight to a plain door, but she could feel him on the other side, struggling to keep the emotions in control. Taking a few seconds to catch her breath, she knocked on the door.

A small boy opened it, peering up at her with clear blue eyes. His hair was newly cut, and a braid hung to his shoulder. She thought she recognized Obi-Wan's darker hair braided into the almost blonde locks. "Is Obi-Wan here?"

The door opened further, and he appeared behind the boy, pale and looking almost off-center without his Padawan braid. "Jahzea. Hi. What...."

"Yoda sent me." She glanced down at the boy. "Padawan...."

"Anakin," he supplied.

"Anakin, would you show Manighan around? Please?"

The boy smiled as the Wookie girl nodded at him. "Sure! Let's go see if Padme can talk to us." They took off at a run down the hallway.

Jahzea stepped forward, gently pushing Obi-Wan back into his room, and closing the door behind her. He gave her a helpless look she remembered from her mirror so many years ago when they'd met and become friends, and she moved closer, wrapping her arms around him. He laid his head on her shoulder and took a breath that trembled. "I'm sorry," she whispered. It was all she had to offer.

It was enough. Sobs shook her as he finally released them, and his arms tightened around her. She was ready when his knees buckled, changing his collapse into a slow sink to the floor, going down with him.

In the unmeasured time that followed, the whole story came out. She listened in partial disbelief as he told her of the meetings with the Sith Lord, of Qui-Gon's charge, of Anakin's acceptance into the brotherhood, of his own Knighting. By the time he finished, he was so drained he couldn't move. He'd fallen asleep, still clasped in her arms, before she noticed the boy had returned. Manighan sat quietly in a chair behind him, eyes closed. Anakin stared down at her with an expressionless face, and she smiled.

"It's nice to meet you, Anakin."

He nodded jerkily. "What happened?" he asked.

Jahzea sighed. "A lot. Come sit by me."

He did so, sinking down so he could watch Obi-Wan and still look up at her with curiosity. "I could tell he hurt," he said helplessly, his eyes going to his Master. "I couldn't help him."

"He needed someone who understood," she said softly, glancing down at the sleeping man she held tightly. "My Master - my first Master - was also killed on an assignment. Obi-Wan brought me back to sanity." She lifted her left hand from behind Obi-Wan; it was still curled into a claw from the year she'd spent clutching the light saber. "I held her light saber for almost a year, and it took him two weeks to get me to let it go." She smiled sadly. "He'll be okay, Padawan, but you must be patient with him." She paused, looking at him. "And Anakin, don't hide your own sorrow. I can feel it."

The boy's head ducked, and he trembled a little. To her surprise he crawled over, curled up next to Obi-Wan, and cried.

Mace Windu found her there not long after Anakin had fallen asleep. She smiled up at the imposing black man who had been her Master, feeling a little sheepish. "Can you help me?" she asked.

He didn't speak, bending down to lift the newest Padawan. He carried Anakin into a back room. When he returned, he crouched next to Obi-Wan and pulled the younger man's arm over his shoulders. More dragging than carrying, Mace vanished a second time, and Jahzea took his absence to get to her feet and straighten her robes. She was still working on that when he returned. "I think he'll be alright," she said as he came to a stop before her. "Thank you for your help."

"How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted," she admitted. "I think I'll find my own quarters, have a good cry, and sleep."

Mace smiled finally, and the harsh panes of his face softened. "Will you and your Padawan join me for dinner?"

Jahzea laughed. "If Manighan is still awake, I think she will be fine with that. I would love it."

  


Obi-Wan woke slowly. He felt basically miserable; his eyes burned and his head hurt, but the tightness in his chest had eased. He tried moving, half-surprised to find he was on his bed, and then the bed bounced.

"Master?"

The pain the title caused wasn't as sharp as it had been the last few days. He opened his eyes and found himself looking into Anakin's serious blue orbs. "Padme had food sent up."

Obi-Wan smiled. "Then it would be rude of us not to eat it." The smile came easier.

Anakin grinned at him, and Obi-Wan saw that his pain was less, too. He was glad to see it. "I ate mine," Anakin told him.

With a groan, Obi-Wan sat up. Yes, food. And water. He'd lost a lot the night before. "Did you meet my friend Jahzea?" he asked as they padded companionably to the small receiving room.

"She's nice," Anakin told him softly. "I liked her." He paused, looking up at Obi-Wan with concerned eyes. "Do you feel better?"

Obi-Wan took a deep breath as he sat down. "I do, a little. Do you?"

Anakin sat across from him, studying him. Obi-Wan squirmed uncomfortably, and wondered if he had ever made Qui-Gon uncomfortable. "Yes," the small boy said after a minute. "It still hurts."

"It will hurt for a long time, I'm afraid. We'll just have to be patient with ourselves, and with each other."

"She said I'd have to be patient with you," Anakin said with a cheeky grin.

Obi-Wan chuckled. "It sounds like Jahzea," he said.

"Do you love her?"

The question came out of nowhere. Obi-Wan tilted his head in confusion. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I'm curious. Do you?"

Obi-Wan picked up the fruit from his plate. "She's one of my closest friends," he said softly. "Yes, I suppose I do love her."

There was a knock on the door just after they'd finished, and Obi-Wan sent Anakin to open it while he finished getting dressed. He had one boot on when Jahzea appeared at the door. "You up for a tour of the palace?" she asked.

Obi-Wan grinned up at her. "Am I giving it? Because if I am, it's going to be very short."

"No, actually. From what I understand from Manighan, Anakin knows his way around pretty well."

"He has good friends here." He finished dressing and followed her from the rooms.

The tour Anakin gave them was highly selective. It covered the hangars, some of the gardens, and the Queen's apartments, or at least the hallway outside of them. Jahzea gave Obi-Wan a confused look as they left again, heading for the gardens they'd had a cursory look at. Their Padawans were already out of sight. "How does he know where the Queen lives?" she asked.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "I guess I didn't mention that, did I." He walked on in silence until they reached the garden, then he clasped his hands behind his back, and told her the story of Amidala and Padme. He was not surprised when Jahzea burst into laughter.

"She had you all fooled!"

"I think Qui-Gon suspected," Obi-Wan told her, and shook his head. "I never even guessed."

"And she befriended Anakin."

"I'm not sure she had a choice," Obi-Wan said. "She told me of the very first conversation she ever had with him. One of the first things he said was that he was going to marry her."

Jahzea stared at him. "This was as Padme, right?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "He couldn't possibly know who she was. And yet...." He trailed off, almost hesitant to let her know what he was thinking.

"What?"

"He's so strong in the force," he said softly. "I may be in over my head."

She wrapped an arm around him and squeezed gently. "You have been in over your head since you were found by whatever Jedi found you. So have we all. All we can do is our best, and you know you can't let your doubts get in the way."

It was almost a slap in the face, and he took it quietly, knowing she was right. She let him go after a minute. "Give yourself time, Obi-Wan. You are going to need time to recover. Even Mace went gently with me the first few months."

"I can't imagine he wouldn't," Obi-Wan said. "He understands things I sometimes think I'll never even get close to."

Jahzea laughed. "And he told none of them to me," she said. "I think when you reach his age, you will be as wise."

A thought crossed his mind, and he snorted a laugh trying to smother it.

"What?" she demanded. "You can't do that and expect me not to be let in on the joke."

"It's no use to any of us," he said. "We'll never live as long as Yoda." It wasn't really funny, but it had struck them both as being so, and their Padawans found them collapsed against each other, weak from laughter. And the youngster's confused expressions only made their Masters laugh harder.


	3. The Third Sorrow

**Disclaimer:** Jahzea, Manighan, and Delios are mine. The rest are Mr. Lucas' except for Bant, Bruck and the bounty hunter, who belong to Jude Watson.

**Authors Note:** It started with an idea of another Padawan who lost her master, and escalated from there. I'm not entirely sure when Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon stuck their noses in, but it was long before I wrote this down. It's not as complete as it could be, but it works for now. This is my first Star Wars fan fiction; my first fic was aproximately nineteen years ago.

Shared Sorrows

The Third Sorrow: 

Jahzea stood pressed against the wall of the royal hangar in Theed, her deactivated light saber on the floor halfway between herself and the ship she'd planned on leaving in. It had been pure luck that she'd been on her way out of the ship instead of on her way in. She stared into Darth Vader's mask, tired of all the running. The brilliant red of his light saber, resting near her throat, reflected onto the mask and gave it a hellish tint.

"Why come yourself?" she asked quietly, struggling a little to draw breath. If he didn't kill her outright, it was likely that she'd die anyway. He'd broken her ribs in their battle, and one had pierced her lung. She didn't have long at all. "You've sent your servants everywhere but here. Why are you here, Anakin?"

The blade kissed her throat, searing it, but she didn't react, remembering the wide-eyed boy that had curled up next to his new Master and cried over the loss of a friend, remembering the look on Obi-Wan's face when he'd had to tell her it was Anakin who had killed her newly-Knighted Padawan. "Because it was you. Because he loves you." The voice was no longer a shock. "And I would destroy him before I kill him."

She hid her surprise and the pain his words brought. Obi-Wan loved her? She didn't think Vader knew what he was talking about. Before she could ask, the door to her right flew open and Obi-Wan appeared, framed in the dusk outside. "Anakin, no," he said, and stepped further in.

He couldn't possibly have heard, could he? With a gesture, Vader shut the door and slammed Obi-Wan up against the wall. The Jedi's light saber extinguished and skittered across the floor, out of sight. "I will deal with you later," Vader growled, and turned back to her.

Jahzea could feel Obi-Wan's anguish, and it was almost overpowering. He struggled against the grip of the Force Vader had him in, desperate to get free and letting Vader know of that desperation. Without turning to look at his former Master, Vader closed his hand. Obi-Wan stilled, pale. "Anakin, please." Jahzea realized then that he was not as out of control as he seemed to be; he was keeping Vader distracted so he didn't ask what they were doing there.

"I can silence you," Vader rasped. "It will be painful."

Obi-Wan did not speak again. She could see him continue to struggle, but he had told her more than once how much stronger Anakin had been in the force. "I did not know he was here," Vader confided in her, and her eyes jerked from her friend to the dark helmet before her. "This makes your destruction all the more sweet."

Jahzea knew then that she would have to die; it would be necessary if they were to complete their mission. She understood why the distraction, why Obi-Wan fought. He would do anything to keep the children safe. It would be a lot for him to bear, what was to follow, but he would do it. She smiled quietly at Vader. "I've missed you, Anakin."

The blood red saber kissed her throat again, but she went on. "It has been a long time since I've seen you."

"It will be longer, now," Vader hissed. His light saber swung in a parody of a move Obi-Wan must have taught him, and stabbed her.

Obi-Wan's cry rang in her ears as Vader let her fall. "Do not cross me again," the Sith hissed in Obi-Wan's direction, and let the Jedi go. Jahzea watched with glazed eyes as the dark figure swept out, then she was gathered gently into Obi-Wan's arms.

"Do not cross him," she said gently, struggling to focus on his face and wincing at the tears that tracked his cheeks. "Go, Obi-Wan. Before he figures out why you lost control."

"He would never believe it was not because of your death," he whispered. So he had heard. "But you're right. Good-bye, Jahzea."

The last thing she felt was the touch of his lips to hers.

  


Amidala clutched the baby girl to her, tears dripping unheeded into the cloth that wrapped them both. She had heard Obi-Wan's cry - could not have missed it - and could only guess at the cause. At least, she thought, I'll have one of them.

It had all happened so fast; one minute, she and Sabe were happily playing with the twins, and the next, Obi-Wan was there, saying Anakin was right behind them. Luke went with the female Jedi he'd brought while Sabe worked to take her place, and she followed Obi-Wan with Leia. He'd hidden her outside the hangar for a reason she hadn't understood until she'd heard Anakin's voice, although not what he'd said.

"Amidala." Obi-Wan's hand touched her shoulder an instant after he said her name. She could not see his face against the bright night sky as he helped her stand and hurried her into the hangar. She didn't miss the figure covered by a brown Jedi robe and guessed what had happened. "Hurry," he whispered when she slowed, trying to see if her son's body was with the other Jedi. "I don't know how long we have."

He was utterly exhausted; she could tell by the way he slid into the seat at the controls. He turned to look at her. "Go put her in with Luke, and strap yourself in."

Her heart stopped. She still had both children, although not their father. It would be enough. Anything she had would be enough. Turning almost automatically, she went into the back as he started the ship up. She placed Leia in the bed next to Luke's, and sat down next to them.

They were in hyperspace when she moved away, sitting down by Obi-Wan. He looked at her, and she had to look away from his haunted eyes. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I will be," he said with a slow smile, but it faded all too soon. "I'm sorry we didn't move faster."

"It's not your fault," she said, laying a hand on his arm. "You have done your best."

Obi-Wan sighed and pulled away from her. "My best has never been enough," he said softly.

"Your best got us out alive," she pointed out, and then turned to the navigation. "Where are we going?"

"Alderaan." He straightened and turned to her. "I will leave you and Leia there, and take Luke with me."

"What?" she demanded. "No!"

"Amidala, listen to me." His voice was calm, but she could not say it was devoid of emotion, and his eyes begged her to understand. "If we separate, if we separate them, he will never find them both."

She'd thought she was out of tears, that hearing Anakin in the hangar had finished them for her. But Obi-Wan was right; they knew Vader would come after the children, and if one was safe... It would have to do. "Okay," she said, and it choked her.

"I'm sorry." His voice was soft, subdued, almost defeated. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't do anything."

She straightened, swallowed her tears, and forced her voice to work. "You did do something." There, for the first time in months, she sounded like a Queen and a Senator. "You have given me hope. And is that not what the Jedi are here to do?"

His shoulders slumped and he nodded. "Yes," he said. "I suppose it was."

His use of the past tense was a surprise. "Was?" she asked, almost panicked. "How bad is it?"

"Bad." She could barely hear him. "If there are a handful left, I'd be surprised."

Her eyes widened, and she stared at him, unable to speak. He didn't look at her, studying the instruments in front of him. "You'd better get some sleep," he said finally. "It will get no easier after this."

Still mute, she stood to leave, pausing to squeeze his shoulder before she left the bridge. She could hear his soft sobs as the door closed behind her.

  


He heard on Alderaan that the Queen's bodyguard had been killed and her royal apartments had been destroyed. He left Amidala in Bail Organa's care, and left early the next day. He knew the former senator would take care of her and of Leia; after spending an evening with the baby girl, he was already speaking of adopting her. Amidala hadn't seemed too bothered by it.

It was ironic, he thought as he gave Luke to Anakin's step brother and his wife, that Anakin's son would grow up where his father had. He turned from them, vanishing into the crowd at Mos Eisley, then into the desert to try to find what he'd lost. He did not think Vader would return there, ever.

He found a place to live and bought it with the last of his money. His days were spent making it livable, making it home, and in meditation. He found no peace. "Master," he said softly to the still, hot air, kneeling in the center of the main room. "I have failed so much that you asked me to do."

There was no answer. He hadn't expected there to be one. He had hoped, but if there was no answer, there was no answer. He'd have to find peace on his own.

He was already a firm fixture in the landscape when he heard the news of Amidala's death, three years after it had happened. He hoped only that she'd been at peace.

As he was beginning to be.


End file.
